Glass GazetteSatire

“The 0% Policy was Fine,” say four students who’ve never submitted an assignment late

By September 28, 2021 No Comments
A man in black and white stands with on hand by his head.

Gabe Keeper, deep in thought.

 

As announced by the QUT Guild recently, QUT’s controversial 0% policy has been replaced by a new 48-hour extension option.

Many students at QUT have welcomed this change, stating that they’re relieved such a sharp cliff has been removed, saying the change allows them to take on shifts they need, help relieve stress when many assignments are due at once and assist with one off emergencies.

One final semester student said it takes the stakes away in their final semester, where previously, one second over the due date can see their degree extend by six long months. 

However, many students have been against the change, and instead are advocating for the 0% policy to return.

“Honestly, it’s about people being more organised,” Hugh Jass, a Finance student, told Glass.

Mr Jass went on, “students are complaining about having to work when assignments are due, it’s just not good enough.”

“Committing to your studies is important manage your money better.” 

When asked about how students are supposed to pay their bills, Mr. Jass was ambivalent.

“Spotify isn’t that expensive, you don’t need an extra shift on the night your assignment is due to cover it.”

“Rent? Nah, Mummy bought me an apartment when I moved to Brisbane.”

 

Pat Riarchy had a different point to offer, saying that the 0% policy keeps him a cut above the rest. 

“Everyone who submits late just isn’t as invested as I am.”

“I’m not going to use the extensions ever, so that means people that use them have an advantage to me that’s not fair.”

Mr Riarchy, studying Justice, appears to have mistaken equity for a stark inequality against him. 

“I mean,” Mr Riarchy continued, “we’re just going to give people extra support when they communicate their needs?”

“When does that ever happen in our society?”

Mr Riarchy has a worrying point here, but not on the 0% policy. 

 

Alternatively, Silvia Platter, a QUT student, said the 0% policy was a blip on her radar,.

“I’ve never worried about it, I barely know it’s there,” she said.

 “All you have to do is get the essay in on time, it’s not that hard.”

“Here’s what I do: I get my assignment, analyse the criteria sheet, I write an outline, and then I hand all of that to my executive assistant and she gives me a finished copy right before the due date.”

“What’s hard about that?”

Editor’s Note: Sylvia didn’t actually write these responses, that was Ms Platter’s assistant.

 

“If you can’t keep up the pace, get out of the running,” Gabe Keeper, a soon to be HR graduate, told Glass.

“The real world doesn’t wait for emergencies.”

“It’s mental health this, mental health that do you really think that your employer will give you a break if you’re in a crisis?”

We asked Mr Keeper if he was aware of the Fair Work Act, but he hadn’t heard of it.

This was concerning to the Glass editorial board, considering Mr Keeper plans to open his own business. 

“Neurotypical? What does being neurotypical have to do with this?”

More to come. 

 

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