Physics department investigates time-space curiosity in the vicinity of the QUT ‘sphere’ – Liam Blair

By Liam Blair

A televisual orb renowned for being QUT’s greatest marketing opportunity has been blamed for the stretching of space-time in the vicinity of the Kelvin Grove library and E Block. 

Physicists have told GLASS Media that an observer close to the 4.8-metre wide interactive digital globe screen will experience time differently to those further away. 

“It’s a mystery that we hope to learn more about,” said one of the physicists.  

“One theory is that this OLED ball of gigascreen thingamajigs has literally consumed the black hole in the budget that was used to create it.” 

David (not his real name) thinks there should be warning signs at the entrances.  

“When I entered the building, I was leaving a second-year lecture,” David explained. 

“But after studying in the library for what I thought was half an hour, it turns out that I’m in my seventh year,” he said. 

QUT Facilities Management has said that there is no need to be alarmed. 

“We categorically reject any suggestion that our installation of a spherical jumboscreen large enough to hold its own gravitational pull, was for nefarious reasons,” a spokesperson said. 

“We have seen no evidence to substantiate rumours of students levitating towards the SphereTM against their will,” he said, despite nobody mentioning this to him. 

“Nor should students believe the spurious allegation that the distortion of space-time is a ploy to keep them enrolled for longer than they expected,” they said. 

QUT Guild President Vinnie Batten has said that the Guild will be investigating. 

“We are concerned with reports that students are suddenly realising that it’s week 6 of the semester and totally unprepared in their studies,” he said. 

“Clearly the Orb is to blame.” 

Liam Blair
Liam Blair
Articles: 34

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