Satire

Lost High School Student on GP Campus Already Racks Up $3000 in HECS Fees – Matthew Latter

By February 1, 2019 May 28th, 2019 No Comments

By Matthew Latter

A local high school student who became lost on the Gardens Point campus during an excursion has found himself already deep in debt. A recently implemented university policy stipulates that even cutting across campus is grounds for immediate payment. 

Speaking exclusively to Glass Magazine, the 14-year-old high school student said his part-time café work could not possibly cover the costs.  

“That’s the last time I use the toilets. I was nearly dragged from the food court for not being able to pay the $150 amenity fees upfront,” he said.  

When asked why he wasn’t found sooner, his form teacher reported that Timmy blended in. 

“When we did find him, he was crying over textbooks in the back of the library. We just thought he was a vertically challenged business student,” he said.  

Timmy is on track to start an engineering degree in 2023 after receiving high marks in a recent finger-painting assessment.  

Leave a Reply