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I thought I was safe- Anonymous

By January 15, 2019 August 1st, 2019 No Comments

By Anonymous

Content Warning: Rape, Sexual Assault

They say don’t go to court and press charges because it’s only going to hurt you more.
They say don’t go to court because no one saw anything. 
They say don’t go to court because “what can they really charge him for anyway?”. 

But two months on, I’m still hurting 
I hurt at the thought of his hands on me 
Of his tongue down my throat 
Of his small excuse for a penis 
To go to work, one hundred metres from where it happened.
A place I thought I was safe 
Done by someone I thought I was safe with. 

I was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, one of Dad
That didn’t stop him I said no 3 times 
That didn’t stop him 
When I ran away crying and didn’t come back 
That stopped him. 

When I spent 3 days feeling alone
And crying
And not eating
And hated being touched
Numb.
He had no idea.
He was drunk. 
He doesn’t remember.  

I remember. 
I remember his hugs of apology that coincidentally coincided with him grabbing my arse 
I remember crying after he put his tongue in my mouth 
Hearing the words oh well you’re a cry baby aren’t ya
I remember my boyfriend asleep on the couch just inside
I thought maybe if he didn’t respect me maybe he would respect him 
No.  

I was wrong. 
I was wrong to think I could trust him. 
I was wrong to think that this would all be over so easy. 

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