By Emira Sadat
I’m sorry, was I being too loud?
A five-year-old girl with a short bob, a skirt below her knees and an attitude full of excitement
that crumbled in front of everyone.
All because she was too ‘loud’.
So, she shut her mouth while she held back tears that threatened to spill and nervously fiddled
with her skirt.
All she wanted was for someone to listen to her voice.
Just once.
Going into her teenage years, people either loved her or hated her.
She was loud, obnoxious and sometimes too loud for anyone’s comfort.
She blabbered just to fit in. All she wanted was to make sure that her voice was heard.
But eventually, her voice was turned against her.
And suddenly, she was back to being that five-year-old girl, holding back tears while fiddling
with her skirt.
At home, with two brothers whose achievements outshone hers.
The only way to be acknowledged was to shout.
Be loud.
But even then, she was brushed off or worse, asked,
‘Is all that screaming necessary?’
All she wanted to do was to scream back ‘YES’.
Because if she doesn’t scream, when will she be heard within those four lonely walls?
She thought that she had met the guy of her dreams.
The one that she prayed so hard for.
But he only ever half-listened, an AirPod permanently in one ear.
She wanted to share her day, to rant, to feel heard.
But all she got was ‘Do you ever shut up?’
So, she did.
She shut her mouth and nodded.
The guy that she prayed for was just like everyone else.
He found her too loud, too talkative, too much.
Sometimes she wonders.
‘If I were to shout to the world, would they finally listen?’
Or would they just brush her off with eyes full of annoyance?
She longed for someone.
Anyone.
To hear even a single sentence.
But that hope is fading.
And this time, she hopes it stays gone.
Because she never wants to be that girl again who was holding back tears, fiddling with her
Skirt, blamed for wanting to be heard.
In the end, she was always too much,
Yet never enough,
For anyone to truly listen to her.
