By Charlotte Shipstone
As I, and the rest of the world, reel from and process the horrific Cornell 7 case coming out of the US, I am grappling with a few different thoughts. I am angry, I am horrified, I am disgusted, and I am devastated by what Jane Doe experienced and how she was failed by systems meant to protect her. I am also amazed by her strength and resilience, the power she has taken back, and the example she is setting.
Simultaneously, I am not surprised. Situations like Cornell University keep happening and will continue to happen, until we see some sort of systemic change.
This brings me to the other part of the case I am struggling with—the silence. Violence and harm against women starts somewhere. It does not start with drugging and assaulting women—this is the culmination of society-wide silence, of smaller ‘innocuous’ comments and ‘jokes’ built on disrespecting and demeaning women. This behaviour has created space for mistreatment to grow and fester, leaving us with what we have now: a society where over 50 young men will read messages like those shared in the Chi Phi Fraternity group chat—where it is explicit that a young woman is at risk of harm—for all of them to do nothing.
It is not enough to simply not participate. We are past the point where people should be praised for not harming women. Every moment of silence, every joke not called out, every choice to protect your own comfort in a group setting is part of the problem. And it’s time we talked about it. Most Australians think gendered violence is wrong, but we don’t always recognise how it originates from disrespectful language or behaviour.
In times like these, it’s easy to feel helpless. While I understand and empathise with this, I also think it’s important to remember that all hope isn’t lost. There is still an opportunity and time for change, and that change begins with us.
So, what can we do?
Well, let me start by giving you advice about gardening. When you have weeds in your garden, do you simply cut the stems and hope the roots die of their own accord? No! The only way to remove it is to pull it out by the roots.
I think the approach to fix the culture that allows for violence against women to fester is similar. Instead of intervening at the culmination of the problem, we should start at the roots and try and kill it off there; maybe without the roots, when we’re able to step in and call out ‘jokes’, we can help stop the problem.
I acknowledge that it’s easy for me to sit here and write about what we should do, where we’re still falling short, what needs to change—in reality it’s not always that easy. It’s hard and uncomfortable to have these conversations, to call out your mates for their sexist jokes, or the demeaning way they may talk about women. But I don’t think it’s impossible. The more we challenge people, the easier it will become. Everything new is hard at first, but if we never do things that make us feel uncomfortable, we will never do anything—and what kind of life is that?
In having these conversations, it can be misconstrued as an attack on men. The phrase ‘not all men’ is evoked as a counter, trying to downplay women’s very real fears and frustrations. I don’t want this to come across as an attack on men as a whole, because it isn’t. My issue, and the focus of this article, is the culture of silence we have allowed to fester. This has not been created by men alone; everyone contributes to, and is impacted by, a patriarchal society. In saying this, we need to encourage men to speak out more. It’s an unfortunate reality that sometimes men’s voices are heard louder and clearer than women’s.
Women aren’t in the locker rooms for ‘locker room’ chat. They aren’t in the snapchat group chats. They aren’t in the fraternities, or the all-boys schools. This is where the responsibility falls on men to call it out.
It doesn’t have to be an explosive, argument starting comment. It can be simple.
Make them explain the joke.
Make them explain why they think what they’re doing/saying is okay.
Call them out. Say something.
Saying something can be as simple as asking, “Mate, what the f*$@#?” It can be saying “That’s not funny”. You can tell them you love them, while telling them that what they said/did is not okay and that you won’t put up with it.
As a post I saw on Instagram said, let’s all repeat this mantra: “I am willing to risk awkwardness, social friction, being uncool, or being wrong rather than stay silent when someone may be getting hurt.”
It’s scary, and it can be hard. But surely continuing down this road paved with silence and hurt is harder. It’s definitely scarier.
Charlotte Shipstone (she/her) is a Bachelor of Human Services/Bachelor of Creative Industries (with a major in creative writing) student, currently completing her final placement with the QUT Guild Advocacy team. She is also co-president of the QUT Lit Salon and hopes to one day become a creative therapist, supporting people to use creative expression as way to understand and process trauma.
