By Kate Todman
My tan lines faded away as we did
The nights grew colder, and the sun set earlier, yet the days seem to drag
I’m frozen in time without your warmth and the summer
I miss wearing shorts and complaining about sunburn peels
My hair so blonde and bright
It was the summer of drunkenly passing around a cigarette at 4am, when my head was allowed to rest on your shoulder
Late-night Notes app poetry, windows down while driving
Dancing and singing and beach-day hangovers
Cheeseburgers at two, acai at 10
Ignoring curfews, getting in trouble, doing it all over again
The brief moments of starry eyes and sparkling smiles made almost anything worth it
But not the sting of fresh cuts when the illusion shattered.
I realised it was not real
Merely a hologram of three months of false hope
A glimpse into a seemingly perfect reality of what could be
But really, I was a placeholder filling the void she left in your heart
You stole my light to make your own, selfishly draining me while you were alone
You should have mended the hole before you met my eyes, instead of drowning it in alcohol and me, pretending it wasn’t there
And I should have mistaken you for something to fix, a challenge to win
But I knew it was a hoax from the start, even though I tried to ignore it
I gave you my time, my trust
I laid my soul bare and unravelled yours, trying to see what I wanted to find
Trying to rearrange the answer-
But it wasn’t me I found inside, only remnants of your past
Her memory haunted every moment we had
You thought of her, I felt the ache
The piece of you that were never mine, and would never be
The truth ate away at my heart like a virus, diminishing any love I had to give
It hurt more than it thrilled
I soaked our once-shared pillow with tears
The butterflies turned to nausea
Giggles turned to numbness
When the summer ended and my curls straightened, I had to say goodbye
My colour had faded away with the evening sky
You left me midnight blue, an overcast night
The shorts swapped for jeans, and late nights for early starts
I even met someone else, left you forever stuck in summer
I moved into autumn, the leaves falling like me for him
But some nights, the memory of you lingers like the last warmth of March and I wonder if the ghost of us will follow me into winter
Afterall, Summer was always my favourite season.
