Summer Has Always Been My Favourite Season

By Kate Todman

My tan lines faded away as we did

The nights grew colder, and the sun set earlier, yet the days seem to drag

I’m frozen in time without your warmth and the summer

I miss wearing shorts and complaining about sunburn peels

My hair so blonde and bright

It was the summer of drunkenly passing around a cigarette at 4am, when my head was allowed to rest on your shoulder

Late-night Notes app poetry, windows down while driving

Dancing and singing and beach-day hangovers

Cheeseburgers at two, acai at 10

Ignoring curfews, getting in trouble, doing it all over again

The brief moments of starry eyes and sparkling smiles made almost anything worth it

But not the sting of fresh cuts when the illusion shattered.

I realised it was not real

Merely a hologram of three months of false hope

A glimpse into a seemingly perfect reality of what could be

But really, I was a placeholder filling the void she left in your heart

You stole my light to make your own, selfishly draining me while you were alone

You should have mended the hole before you met my eyes, instead of drowning it in alcohol and me, pretending it wasn’t there

And I should have mistaken you for something to fix, a challenge to win

But I knew it was a hoax from the start, even though I tried to ignore it

I gave you my time, my trust

I laid my soul bare and unravelled yours, trying to see what I wanted to find

Trying to rearrange the answer-

But it wasn’t me I found inside, only remnants of your past

Her memory haunted every moment we had

You thought of her, I felt the ache

The piece of you that were never mine, and would never be

The truth ate away at my heart like a virus, diminishing any love I had to give

It hurt more than it thrilled

I soaked our once-shared pillow with tears

The butterflies turned to nausea

Giggles turned to numbness

When the summer ended and my curls straightened, I had to say goodbye

My colour had faded away with the evening sky

You left me midnight blue, an overcast night

The shorts swapped for jeans, and late nights for early starts

I even met someone else, left you forever stuck in summer

I moved into autumn, the leaves falling like me for him

But some nights, the memory of you lingers like the last warmth of March and I wonder if the ghost of us will follow me into winter

Afterall, Summer was always my favourite season.

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