“He must be shit at sex”
On a routine trip to the local sex shop to purchase a penis pump as a 21st birthday present, I ran into an acquaintance and his girlfriend perusing the couple’s toys. Naturally, we gave each other a polite nod and cheeky smile before going about our business. As I left the store, penis pump in hand, the friend I had brought with me remarked on our acquaintance’s ability to please his partner. I’d be lying if the thought hadn’t crossed my mind, but as I’d recently begun experimenting with toys, my ego was bruised. I confided in other straight male friends, only to find many of them felt the same. I was baffled; what man wouldn’t want another power tool?
We seem to think our penises should be enough, while studies show only 18% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. Furthermore, most of these women report that other forms of stimulation increase the intensity of their orgasms. Fellas, I’m here to let you know, your girlfriend’s bullet isn’t going to replace you. If you have been replaced by a toy, this is probably a reflection of much more than your sexual prowess.
Straight men see sex toys as an opponent rather than an ally. Ideals of masculinity, body shaming and sexual performance, whatever the reason for these insecurities, the refusal to use sex toys is almost always an ego problem. We are conditioned to believe that our sexual ability directly correlates with our value as a man, usually, this is perpetuated by other men. During high school, I was never vulnerable with my mates about problems I was having in the bedroom. When a story did appear in which one of our friends couldn’t get it up, he was accosted and nicknamed Floppy for years after.
With society and his friends working against you, the idea of having a conversation about sex toys with your partner is daunting, but not impossible. Be prepared for the conversation to be a little awkward. However, without open communication about these topics you will never get to where you want to be. Use the knowledge you’ve gained from this article or just get your partner to read it ;).
If you want to incorporate toys in the bedroom and need somewhere to start, here are three that might tickle more than your fancy. Bullets are a great starting point for newbies. They are small, low-key and unobtrusive. Despite their size bullets can be diverse, ranging in power, size, shape and material. They are typically used for clitoral stimulation and can be held by either partner while still allowing for penetration. Vibrating cock rings are a small step up, despite the male history of sticking our dicks in things we shouldn’t, something that is made to fit around your penis can be intimidating. Don’t worry blokes I know it says cock ring in the name, but there are no Prince Albert’s here. These toys are perfect for stimulating both partners, are adjustable and turn your willy into a vibrator. If your partner has a sizeable member, a thicker cock ring can help take some length off and make it more manageable. Couples’ massagers are a little less intimidating while doing much the same things as cock rings. The C-shaped toys provide clitoral and internal stimulation without ruling out penetrative sex.
Take the plunge! Have the sex toy conversation and think about having your next date night in a sex shop. Happy Hunting.
