creep is so #mecore

*This poem was originally published in our Summer 2024 print edition*

By Jemma Green

when radiohead said ‘i wanna have control 
i want a perfect body’ 
i was like, 
‘that’s me, for real’ 

especially the first part 

there is this need, a hunger under the flap 
of my stomach, deep-deep 
and unfathomably retching 
inside me, to control 

it is a violence 
of my character, normally pleasant 
enough to smile awkwardly 
at bus drivers and baristas, that makes me want 
to hold you down by the shoulders 
chalkboard my nails along your skeletons 
and make you listen 
to me 

i have imagined hurting 
you, dusting your wasteful  
bodies, stomping on their fragility 
on your residue 
left in the print at the bottom of my boot 

i have forbidden  
you from doing what you want because it draws 
too much attention 
and i want people not to 
look at me 
and because i am embarrassed  
by any possible humanity 

i have played a game of teenage chess with your lives 
on how they will slot against mine 
but i don’t know how to play chess 
so instead, i have ruined 
everything i have ever let touch me 
because of this inevitability, rigidity 
of control 

and i can’t stop ruining 
because i can’t give up, i can’t let go 
i can’t stop playing 
i can’t let go 

i want to fit in 
i want to watch, and not be watched 
i want to touch, and not be touched 
when everything goes wrong, i want everyone to fuck off and leave me curling into my knees against my bedroom door where i can’t breathe and where no one will find me 

so, yeah 
when radiohead said ‘i wanna have control 
i want a perfect body’ 
i thought that was totally relatable 
it’s so #mecore 

Jemma Green is an emerging writer and editor based in Meanjin/Brisbane with publications in Forget Me Not Press and FROCKET. She is currently studying a BFA in Creative Writing at QUT and works fluidly between poetry, fiction, and creative non-fiction with an artistic focus on exploring the blur of human experience.


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