A Glassie’s Guide to Tactical Halloween Costumes

Welcome Glassies, to your guide to life. This series takes a deep dive into all your pressing need-to-knows (how to contact your local MP, how to make the perfect cocktail, and how to get over your ex, goddamnit) and offers comprehensive guides so that you can live your Best Glassie Life™.  

This edition is A Glassie’s Guide to Tactical Halloween Costumes. 

Glassies, it’s that time of year again. Dust off the pirate hats and get ready to rumble. This year, we’re dressing with intent.  

In this Guide, I’ve organised (and rated) quick and easy Halloween costumes for students on the go and under the pump, based on your intentions for the night.  

There are some Halloween classics, some new costumes, and some trends in need of dying out. Rest assured, something in this Guide is bound to help you out. 

First up, you’ve got to pick your poison.  

1. The Nostalgic Costume 

Dive deep into the early ‘00s and grab anything you can get. (If you find childlike joy pass it around, would ya? Asking for a friend). 

If you choose the nostalgic costume: automatic 10/10. You seem like a good time. 

I want to see Shego, I want to see Lizzy McGuire, I want to see Danny Phantom. 

Easiest nostalgic outfits on short notice include: 

1. Kim Possible 
2. Jeremy Johnson (Phineas and Ferb) 
3. Abbey Wilson (The Replacements) 
4. Timmy Turner 
5. Kuki Sanban (Codename: Kids Next Door) 
6. Jake Long (American Dragon) 
7. LaCienega Boulevardez (The Proud Family) 
8. Ed, Edd or Eddy
9. Lewis McCartney ( H2O: Just Add Water) 
10. Billy or Mandy (The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy) 

2. The Couples Costume 

7/10 if you’re recognisable. 9/10 if you choose foes. Give me Perry the Platypus & Dr Doofenshmirtz, give me bin chicken and water spray bottle, but for God’s sake don’t give me clowns and mimes. No-one, and I mean NO-ONE, wants to see sweaty half-ruined clown makeup with a red nose in a bathroom in the Valley while drunk past midnight on a Sundy.  

 Easy outfits include, but are not limited to:  

1. Wearing human-sized Cards Against Humanity card pairings. 
2. Peter Pan and Wendy, trying to change the ending. 
3. Baker and a sweet treat.  
4. Scarecrow and flowers. 
5. Most Disney couples. 
6. Dr Who and companion (there are no wrong combinations, but there is a right one). 
7. Most anything that comes in pairs.  
8. Literally any couple from a notable TV show.  

3. The Friends’ Costume 

5/10 if you pushed for a group costume to happen.

7/10 if you were the friend that just got forced into it because someone else already had a hot outfit. I know you tried. Or maybe you didn’t. Either way, you deserve the recognition. I hear you, I see your pain. Stay strong out there.  

Nothing screams easy quite like taking costume inspo from The Power Puff Girls, Winx, Men in Black, Scooby Doo, Teletubbies, Pac-Man, Stranger Things, any hospital show, the general cowboy aesthetic, the general pirate aesthetic, and, for some reason, the general American red-cup frat boy aesthetic.  

Grab yourselves enough hats/wings/scrubs/ and you’ve got yourself a crew/finagle/medical team.  

4. The Accidental Solo Costume 

You weren’t planning on flying solo, but you are.

There’s no reason why you can’t still try out that couples or friend‘s’ costume you had planned. Just be audacious and hit the town in search of your people.

Go ahead and dress up as the sk8ter boi to someone’s Avril Lavigne. Be the boombox to some group’s disco workout outfits. 

Based on the sheer confidence you need to have for this one, I’m giving you a 10/10.  

*Be weary that your choice may signal certain sexual proclivities. Thing One or Thing Two? Talk about top/ bottom dynamic. The freedom of choice is not one to be taken lightly. Good luck. 

5. The Sexy Something Costume 

The name is self-explanatory.

5/10 for the basics: sexy cat, sexy nurse, sexy vampire, sexy sports person…

9/10 for the unexpected: sexy bed sheet ghost, sexy stethoscope, sexy overdue tax return. 

6. The Hook-Up Costume 

You have one thing on your mind, and it’s not cuddles.

I’d argue that any costume can be a hook-up costume as long as you flirt hard enough, but here are five of the hottest things you can try if you want to go above and beyond: 

1. Don’t mention any existential dread during your attempt to snag a hook-up. It’s a buzzkill this close to Christmas. 
2. Carry a sign that says “I’ll do your dishes/laundry/help you with your APA referencing after I do you.” (Listen, I’m not condoning objectifying yourself in the name of a hook-up. But I am recommending you invest in what you want.) 
3. Smile. But not too much. 
4. Make sure you smell nice. A little perfume or body spray can go a long way. 
5. Carry mints.

7. The Characteristic–Over–Character Costume 

Personally, I’m choosing characteristics this year. It’s a little similar to the ‘sexy something costume’, except I’m dropping the pretext. 

This Halloween, you’ll find me in a short little red number, not trying to be anything other than hot. Because that’s what I think confidence looks like. (And the crystals aren’t working on their own so I’m upping my manifestation techniques. All evidence points to, If I fake it, I’ll make it.) 

Some final thoughts, Glassies: 

• As general housekeeping, if you’re questioning whether your chosen costume is appropriate, the answer is probably no.  
• Maybe don’t dress up as Jeffrey D. Maybe let’s not capitalise on trauma. 
• Save your money, babe. You still need to pay rent.  
• If you’ve got the outfit but no party, The QUT Literary Salon and ScratchThat both have a Halloween-themed launch coming up. 

Be comfy, have fun, and stay safe, Glassies!