So, you’ve had a big weekend. Maybe you’re sipping your cold brew, reflecting on your sins, or just basking in the glow of a particularly excellent evening romp. But while you’re scrolling through last night’s DMs, let’s take a moment for a little sexual health reset. Should you get tested this week? Let’s find out.
The No-Brainers: Go Get Swabbed, Babe
If any of these apply to you, don’t overthink it—just book an appointment.
A lovely little rash is tickling your pleasure centres. Mouth, bum, cock, vag—wherever you’ve been rubbing uglies. Herpes is skin-to-skin, sluts. Don’t waste time diagnosing yourself—just see a doctor. Stonewall Medical Centre in Brisbane is a great place to start if you want an LGBTQIA+-friendly clinic.
You got a missive from one of your lovers informing you that they hath left you a parting gift. No shame, no drama—just take yourself for a check-up. Queensland Positive People offers support and testing info if you need it.
A tear in your trusty rubber soldier.
If you’re one of the honourable sensible ones having protected sex each and every time, a condom break is a sign to get checked. Many STIs (like chlamydia and gonorrhea) can be silent operators.
These are all clear reasons to get tested, but what if nothing seems wrong? Should you just go and get that random test? Whores, some of these pesky friends are asymptomatic. Yessss, I speak from experience.
The “Hmmm, Maybe?” Moments
You’re not seeing any warning signs, but you’re also not quite sure if it’s time for a check-up. Here are some things to ask yourself:
Have I had a new partner (or multiple) since my last test?
If the answer is yes, and you don’t know their status, it’s a good time to check in.
Am I in a relationship but haven’t tested in a while?
Just because you’re coupled up doesn’t mean you’re in the clear forever. Regular STI checks are part of the maintenance schedule. Think of it like a dental check-up—except way more fun than the dentist.
Am I planning on getting laid soon?
A preemptive STI check can give you peace of mind and make those “have you been tested?” chats way less awkward. Biala Sexual Health Clinic in Brisbane offers free, confidential testing.
How Often Should You Test?
Sexually active? Here’s your rough guide:
Every 3-6 months if you’re regularly dating, hooking up, or seeing multiple partners.
Once a year if you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship and have both tested clear before locking it down.
ASAP if you have any symptoms or a partner who has tested positive.
Even MORE often if you have had week’s run amok, you should get tested after each one. Especially amidst the ease of frenzied casual carnal encounters.
What to Expect: It’s Not That Deep
If you haven’t been tested before (or it’s been a while), here’s what usually happens:
Pee in a cup (chlamydia/gonorrhea test) Quick blood test (HIV, syphilis, hep B & C) Swabs if needed (throat, rectal, or vaginal depending on what kind of sex you have)
Most results come back in a few days, and you can usually get them over the phone. If something pops up, your clinic will talk you through treatment—most STIs are super treatable and nothing to stress over.
Final Thought
There’s nothing sexier than someone who looks after their health and their partners’. So, if it’s been a while, book yourself in and make STI testing part of your regular self-care routine. After all, you wouldn’t skip a skincare routine, would you?
Need somewhere to go? Here are a few options in Brisbane:
- Stonewall Medical Centre – LGBTQIA+ friendly testing
- Biala Sexual Health Clinic – Free, confidential services
- Queensland Positive People – STI info and support
Now go forth, hydrate, and take care of yourself. Your future sex life will thank you.
